(no subject)

This, yes, because I am angry. Born and die angry, even though I'm one of the lucky ones. The family that matters accepts my gender, and my extended family haven't offered me severe violence in years. I've always looked like a girl even when I was trying to be a boy, and no Howell penis-haver has ever been able to grow a beard. I can afford my hormones (barely at times, but I've always managed.)

All I had to do to get them was try to kill myself. Yes, I'm pissed. I have a list of hospitals and doctors I can see (in a file on my laptop and in the drawer of my nightstand) because anyone else is Russian Roulette. The sex on any legal I.D. will be male, because I physically cannot have reassignment surgery. The potential for violence is always in the back of my mind, because I am trans and because I am a woman. I can't automatically depend on another trans person for support, because I don't want genital surgery, which can have me shunned as a poser and a fetishist. My gender has been called into question (usually by doctors) because I don't look or act like a Stepford wife, and if the right one doubts enough I could be denied hormone therapy.

Again, I'm one of the lucky ones, and I am pissed as hell.